It's December 18th...one week until ChriFSMas...only a few more shopping days left to find that perfect Meatball Snow-globe for your significant sweetie.
All over town you see people hustling and bustling from one store to another to get that Parmesan shaker for Uncle Ned or sauce ladle for brother Bill.
Little home-grown choirs are singing Pasta Carols door to door. It makes your heart warm and bright with the love of His Noodliness at this special time.
But remember gentle Pastafarians, we have no real annual holiday to celebrate. ChriFSMas is something designed by those ignorant scientists who have tried to get us to coincide a celebration with theirs, just so they can shove "Sir Isaac Newtons Birthday" down our throats on December 25th. Yes, ChriFSMas is as false as his "Gravity Law" Pfaw!
We true Pastafarians celebrate our holy day each and every Friday. Our love for Him is something that lasts all year long. You wouldn't want Him to decide to just push you down with His Noodily Appendage to the Earth only once a year would you?
I thought not.
Every Friday, drink a beer. Imagine and taste just a little of what waits for you in Heaven at the base of the beer volcano waiting for you there.
Find a stripper who's down on her luck and console her with stories of the Great Stripper Factory in the sky. Do this while she gives you a lap dance so you can be consoled at the same time.This will be my last in my active missionary posts for His Holy FSM. We don't like to beat folks over the head with the truth. We know that when non-believers see the beauty of beer, strippers and pirates, they usually come to the right conclusions.
My first post on this was 22 days ago and Christmas is in 7, that makes a total of 29 days. I hope you've considered the indisputable facts and proofs I've laid out for you and your heart has guided you. If not, the FSM church offers and backs up a "30 day God Back Guarantee". If you don't want to live in the world of the truth and happiness of His Carbo-Goodness, we understand.
Your God will probably take you back. He seems like a pretty good guy too.
Plus, the 30 day mark will be right after Christmas, that gives you a full 365 days to re-convince Santa that you still believe in him.
I want to leave you with a joke I made up. A good ice-breaker for the next conversation you have with a pirate, a stripper or a bartender.
Jeffy and The Flying Spaghetti Monster walk into a bar...