"Flying Spaghetti Monster Friday" 4 of 4

For previous FSM Fridays, click the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" label in the list on the right, or click here, here and here.

It's December 18th...one week until ChriFSMas...only a few more shopping days left to find that perfect Meatball Snow-globe for your significant sweetie.

All over town you see people hustling and bustling from one store to another to get that Parmesan shaker for Uncle Ned or sauce ladle for brother Bill.

Little home-grown choirs are singing Pasta Carols door to door. It makes your heart warm and bright with the love of His Noodliness at this special time.

But remember gentle Pastafarians, we have no real annual holiday to celebrate. ChriFSMas is something designed by those ignorant scientists who have tried to get us to coincide a celebration with theirs, just so they can shove "Sir Isaac Newtons Birthday" down our throats on December 25th. Yes, ChriFSMas is as false as his "Gravity Law" Pfaw!

We true Pastafarians celebrate our holy day each and every Friday. Our love for Him is something that lasts all year long. You wouldn't want Him to decide to just push you down with His Noodily Appendage to the Earth only once a year would you?

I thought not.

Every Friday, drink a beer. Imagine and taste just a little of what waits for you in Heaven at the base of the beer volcano waiting for you there.

Find a stripper who's down on her luck and console her with stories of the Great Stripper Factory in the sky. Do this while she gives you a lap dance so you can be consoled at the same time.

This will be my last in my active missionary posts for His Holy FSM. We don't like to beat folks over the head with the truth. We know that when non-believers see the beauty of beer, strippers and pirates, they usually come to the right conclusions.

My first post on this was 22 days ago and Christmas is in 7, that makes a total of 29 days. I hope you've considered the indisputable facts and proofs I've laid out for you and your heart has guided you. If not, the FSM church offers and backs up a "30 day God Back Guarantee". If you don't want to live in the world of the truth and happiness of His Carbo-Goodness, we understand.

Your God will probably take you back. He seems like a pretty good guy too.

Plus, the 30 day mark will be right after Christmas, that gives you a full 365 days to re-convince Santa that you still believe in him.

I want to leave you with a joke I made up. A good ice-breaker for the next conversation you have with a pirate, a stripper or a bartender.

Jeffy and The Flying Spaghetti Monster walk into a bar...

R'Amen.

"Flying Spaghetti Monster Friday", 3 of 4

For the first 2 parts in this series click here and here.

Ah, the glory and beauty of FSM. Blessed be thy meatballs.

Glory be to your beer volcano and stripper factory in the sky!

As it is with all ideas great and small, big and little, starchy and lean...the onus falls to the believer to prove, not to the infidels to dis-prove.

Therefor I put it to science to prove IT'S theorems and concepts to me. As Bobby Henderson and other disciples of Pastafarianism put forth in "The Gospel", the great so-called "scientists" like Newton, Einstein, Galileo, Copernicus, Darwin and their ilk are very shy to defend themselves and their "theories" against the Word of FSM.

Mostly because they're all DEAD! HA! Cowards!

Take for example their idea of "gravity". An unseen force which draws masses together like some "magical magnet". Pshaw! As if!!

We holders of His Noodliness in our heart, all know that the real reason that we don't fly off the Earth into space is because He doesn't want it to be so.

He loves us soooooo much he spends much of his day reaching down and pushing us back to the ground with his noodily appendages, therefor preventing us from flailing off the Earth and into space where we'd certainly explode.

This is proven by the FACT that we as humans have gotten taller over the centuries. With an expanding population, there are more of us and a limited number of spaghettilly tentacles, so he doesn't push us down as often, so we've grown.

If Newton was correct and it is a "Mystical Binding Force" of all mass...wouldn't our greater numbers actually compress us all together and make us shorter and more compact?

The scientists are caught in a web of their own deceit.

TAKE THAT NEWTON! SUCK IT!!

And as for Darwin???

I won't even waste my time or your theory! Ridiculous.

More evidence is found of FSM's existence every day around us. Just check the Church's page here for regular updates from Pastafarians everywhere and their every day sightings of evidence of His divine presence all around us.

Hell! Just check YouTube!







That's like 3 times the evidence of Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster right there! 33% more than both combined to you "scientists". Well, 50%...Aw dang..whatever you mathematitions with your absolutes and constants and junk say!!! Phfaw!

Anyway. It's not about frustration or hatred of those who believe something different than us (no matter HOW crazy!) it's about loving His Tastiness with all our hearts.

It's Friday. Celebrate as you will. Don Pirate regalia, eat some pasta, drink some beers and dream of the great stripper factory that awaits us all in His Heaven.

Oh...and Merry ChriFSMas!

"Flying Spaghetti Monster Friday" part 2

“ With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents—mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs. ” —Bobby Henderson, "prophet of the Flying Spaghetti Monster"

It's Flying Spaghetti Monster Friday again boys and girls! The Pastafarian Holy Day in which we believers celebrate His Noodliness' Goodness and any way we see fit.

At our house we like to drink beer, eat pasta and dream of the great Stripper Factory in the sky which awaits us in His Holy Firmament in the sky.





Sightings in Nature:

His Tastyiness showed His love for me truly this week, as I was blessed to witness his visage appear to me in my surroundings. He will quite often appear to His children in common every day objects to reward our faith. For me He appeared in the most common of weeds just off my patio. Witness and sing praises to His Parmesan with me brothers and sisters!

Truly I art blessed! I am a good 100 miles from Mexico, or I'm sure he would have appeared in a tortilla instead.



Let's put the FSM back in ChriFSMas!!:

Want to send your friends and family a cheery ChriFSMas card to brighten their holiday season? Visit here and Our Prophet Bobby Henderson will help facilitate your carbo-wishes!

Decorate your home or office and let your family, friends and co-workers know that FSM loves us!

This is a beautiful hand-made FSM made by my friend Kelli. It went up in my house in time for ChriFSMas, but I plan on letting it adorn my wall year round as a constant reminder and a shrine to gaze upon in my regular Friday worship.

Be a Good Pastafarian:

I am only a conduit to the joy of the FSM, please don't rely solely on the sparse tidbits I pass along to you. Our prophet Bobby Henderson is the true purveyor of all things Meatbally and you should really visit his site here for the full truth!

He offers guidance and truth there that I am only beginning to understand, not the least of which are the following tenants handed down to Pirate Captain Mosey from FSM Himself. Please use these to pattern your life and help celebrate His Noodliness.

The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
(Capitalization and censorship as per original text)

1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey = Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.

4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynistic, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B******.

6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
A.Ending Poverty
B.Curing Diseases
C.Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.

7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?

8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.

Beautiful aren't they?

And remember, when in doubt, to always ask yourself, "What Would the Flying Spaghetti Monster Do?"


Have a wonderfully pasta-filled Friday everyone. Fill your hearts with pasta and fill your pasta with cheese! FSM loves you!

R'Amen!