Friday, December 4, 2009

"Flying Spaghetti Monster Friday" part 2

“ With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshippers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents—mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs. ” —Bobby Henderson, "prophet of the Flying Spaghetti Monster"

It's Flying Spaghetti Monster Friday again boys and girls! The Pastafarian Holy Day in which we believers celebrate His Noodliness' Goodness and any way we see fit.

At our house we like to drink beer, eat pasta and dream of the great Stripper Factory in the sky which awaits us in His Holy Firmament in the sky.

Sightings in Nature:

His Tastyiness showed His love for me truly this week, as I was blessed to witness his visage appear to me in my surroundings. He will quite often appear to His children in common every day objects to reward our faith. For me He appeared in the most common of weeds just off my patio. Witness and sing praises to His Parmesan with me brothers and sisters!

Truly I art blessed! I am a good 100 miles from Mexico, or I'm sure he would have appeared in a tortilla instead.

Let's put the FSM back in ChriFSMas!!:

Want to send your friends and family a cheery ChriFSMas card to brighten their holiday season? Visit here and Our Prophet Bobby Henderson will help facilitate your carbo-wishes!

Decorate your home or office and let your family, friends and co-workers know that FSM loves us!

This is a beautiful hand-made FSM made by my friend Kelli. It went up in my house in time for ChriFSMas, but I plan on letting it adorn my wall year round as a constant reminder and a shrine to gaze upon in my regular Friday worship.

Be a Good Pastafarian:

I am only a conduit to the joy of the FSM, please don't rely solely on the sparse tidbits I pass along to you. Our prophet Bobby Henderson is the true purveyor of all things Meatbally and you should really visit his site here for the full truth!

He offers guidance and truth there that I am only beginning to understand, not the least of which are the following tenants handed down to Pirate Captain Mosey from FSM Himself. Please use these to pattern your life and help celebrate His Noodliness.

The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
(Capitalization and censorship as per original text)

1. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

2. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

3. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey = Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.

4. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

5. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynistic, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B******.

6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
A.Ending Poverty
B.Curing Diseases
C.Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.

7. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?

8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.

Beautiful aren't they?

And remember, when in doubt, to always ask yourself, "What Would the Flying Spaghetti Monster Do?"

Have a wonderfully pasta-filled Friday everyone. Fill your hearts with pasta and fill your pasta with cheese! FSM loves you!


No comments:

Search This Blog