Friday, November 27, 2009

Flying Spaghetti Monster, part 1

The fastest growing carbohydrate based religion in the world today:

I have seen the light...and He is delicious.

The Dawn of Man!

Like many people wandering aimlessly and without purpose in today's world, I guess I was sub-consciously seeking some sort of spiritual guidance. A reason behind it all. A spirituality I was in denial of as a long time atheist and believer in science, natural law and evolution.

I guess my mind was clouded by all those cumbersome "facts" in insurmountable "evidence" that there was no higher power.

Then without even seeking, I discovered that there was an "intelligent design" to us and our world.

One true creator. A divine being who made it all happen.

And He is The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I am a new disciple and am still trying to drink in all the beauty and wisdom of the "FSM", though the religion of "Pastafarianism" has been around for the entire time of the Earth and man (a couple thousand years by best guesstimate), it was forgotten long ago and was only recently rediscovered and brought to light by our prophet Bobby Henderson.

See his web-site here for more details.

Though I am new, I am bursting with the joy of it all, and feel compelled to witness what I have learned thus far. This being Friday it is the Holy Day of the Church of the FSM and seems a fitting time to me.


Pirates!

In the beginning was the word,
And the word was "Arrrgh!"
-Piraticus 13:7

The Divine Beings to the FSM are pirates.

They're His favorites. When worshipping His Noodliness it is fitting to drape thyself in the raiment's of full-pirate regalia. Though not required, it is suggested.

One of the prime examples of the empirical evidence of the existence of the FSM, is the chart below, which clearly shows His unhappiness in the dwindling pirate population.

You can see clearly that global warming has increased in direct proportion to the decrease in pirate population. Conversely, "National Talk Like A Pirate Day" in September and the occurrence of people dressing as pirates for Halloween in October, is always followed by about 3 months of MUCH cooler weather. Proving He is pleased by our embracing His chosen peoples way of life.

Argue with THAT you disciples of Darwin and Newton! HA!


Sightings and "Representin'":

One way I have chosen to announce to the world my new found faith in a higher being is with a nifty chrome car emblem. If that doesn't make you closer to your God, I don't know what does! Look for 'em everywhere!

Me, my BMW and my Semolina Savior! Proud as punch!


For all my Facebook friends, you can even spot evidence of our carbo-loaded creator in Farmville! See below:



Heaven and Hell...how to spend your Fridays:

Pastafarian Heaven, as created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster is truly divine indeed, and show just how much His Noodliness loves all his children. Heaven is full of Beer Volcanoes as far as the eye can see, nourishing our everlasting souls for all eternity...or until His wisdom turns us over into the great cosmic colander of it all.

Oh...there's also a Stripper Factory. Sounds pretty sweet! I'd like to see YOUR God's Heaven compete with THAT!

Hell is just about the same. Except the beer is stale. And the strippers all have STD's.

FSMism or Pastafarianism, doesn't have any annual holidays like Christmas, Yom Kippur or Black Friday. EVERY Friday is a Holy Day and we worship by creating out own Heaven on Earth. Drinking beer and watching strippers and dreaming of the afterlife, when every day is Friday.


More to come next Friday:

I will use the next few Fridays to pass along more info about the FSM as I learn more myself.

Until then...may you all bathe in the spiciness of His sauce and nourish thyself in His divine Meatiness...May ye be touched and guided by His Noodly Appendage.

R'Amen.

I'm off to The Drink Hole to worship!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sign me up, Jeffie....
Praise the noodle
Kate

Anonymous said...

Everyday has been Friday for me this year- I think I was touched early by an under cooked appendage!! FUN! I want to get close enough to touch the meatball now...guide me Jeff guide me!!

Cruz said...

Nice site Jeff. Your hard work shows. I sent the link to a couple friends.

-Cruz Benavides

Jeff Overturf said...

May his spicy marinara soothe all your spirit's. Welcome brothers and sisters, to His Noodly Goodness.

R'Amen

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