It's December 18th...one week until ChriFSMas...only a few more shopping days left to find that perfect Meatball Snow-globe for your significant sweetie.
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I thought not.
Every Friday, drink a beer. Imagine and taste just a little of what waits for you in Heaven at the base of the beer volcano waiting for you there.
Find a stripper who's down on her luck and console her with stories of the Great Stripper Factory in the sky. Do this while she gives you a lap dance so you can be consoled at the same time.
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My first post on this was 22 days ago and Christmas is in 7, that makes a total of 29 days. I hope you've considered the indisputable facts and proofs I've laid out for you and your heart has guided you. If not, the FSM church offers and backs up a "30 day God Back Guarantee". If you don't want to live in the world of the truth and happiness of His Carbo-Goodness, we understand.
Your God will probably take you back. He seems like a pretty good guy too.
Plus, the 30 day mark will be right after Christmas, that gives you a full 365 days to re-convince Santa that you still believe in him.
I want to leave you with a joke I made up. A good ice-breaker for the next conversation you have with a pirate, a stripper or a bartender.
Jeffy and The Flying Spaghetti Monster walk into a bar...
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