Happy Birthday to Me

I live in a zoo
I look like a monkey
And I smell like one too!
Today's my birthday! 46 years old and never been kissed!

I don't have much time to write today as I'm off to "Bud's RV Motor Lodge and All-You-Can-Eat-Sushi-Bar" on the outskirts of beautiful Bakersfield, CA. for the annual August 8th birthday jamboree all of us August 8thers throw for ourselves. All the prominent people born on this auspicious day will be there.


Here's the run-down of how the evening will probably go.


First, we plan to have a screening of a couple of newly re-mastered Esther Williams movies. If I know Esther, she'll probably want to lead us out to the Motor Court's pool and show us that she's still got it. We've already notified "Bud" that this would be a good weekend to re-paint the pool, so hopefully it will be off-limits. I mean, I love Esther and all, but trust me, at 88 years old she may still have it, but no one wants to see it!

Then it will be a fancy banquet and dinner reception for us all, and after cocktails Mel Tillis will get up and sing us a few songs.

Of course "The Edge" from U2 will get up there and back Mel up on guitar...

...and Rikki Rocket from "Poison" will play the drums.

After a few songs and cocktails, I'll start getting pretty drunk and start hitting on Connie Stevens.

Then Dustin Hoffman will come interrupt me, just as my mojo is flowing good. He's the worst "wing-man" since Frank "The Douche" Terando. He'll go on and on and whine about how he thinks his movies would have been better to screen than Esther's. I'll be cordial for a while and acknowledge "The Graduate", "Midnight Cowboy", "Papillon" and "Tootsie", then I'll remind him of "Dick Tracy" and "Ishtar" and send him off into a corner crying.

By then it will be pretty late and the stragglers will arrive. Worst of all Donny Most...

...and Larry Wilcox will show up on the late bus and go around asking to borrow money for bus fare home.

Then finally "Bud" will call it a night for us all, turn off the main light breaker and we'll be shuffled off to our rooms.


And I'll take one more shot at Connie Stevens. :) Wish me luck!

So anyway, why don't you all have yourselves a beer and a piece of cake and celebrate too. Tell the bartender and baker it's on me!


See ya tomorrow.